So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
