she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
