I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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