She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
