oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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