One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
