I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
