just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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