good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
