The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
