I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
