I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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