isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
