he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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