Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
