i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
