I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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