I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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