and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
