I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
