the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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