Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
