I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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