Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
