with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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