hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
