Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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