I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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