the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There r osticjed everywhere
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
