He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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