I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
