he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
