I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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