i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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