i already hear my dad disowning me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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