best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
