You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
