First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
