I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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