i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
