After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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