It was confusing and full of hummus
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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