I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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