I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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