ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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