Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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