so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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