she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
