When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize