Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
