i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
