I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
