these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
