who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
