I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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