I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
