Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
