When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
