I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
