Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
