Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
