farters have to be the big spoon...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
