everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need water and some morals
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
