I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
