My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Semen is not good for contacts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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