dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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