im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
