I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
